alltheangst: jackbassam: When I have the sex talk with my kids I’m just going to tell them to follow the basic rule “If your age is on the clock, you’re too young for the cock” yeah, and when my kid turns thirteen imma go, “Sit back down, I was talking about military time.”
180mph: genetics is a fucked up and unfair game
galaxys4: hello students. welcome to my math class. we will be having a class trip this year, the first ever math field trip in history. it’s to hell. here we are
nefertiti-is-my-division: its-tuesday-again: sometimes i think i might be bi but then i’d rather climb a mountain than go in a cave, you feel me ‘cause you can see everything on a mountain but you never know what’s lurking in a cave are you implying that any given vagina may or may not contain a bear
romancndleheart: thaibrator: hey now ur a rockstar get your great now I cant remember the actual lyrics
slloths: *gets anon hate from the dog with a blog*
foodtrucker: I was born at an incredibly young age
pizza: high-self-esteem: fatwink: all i want is pizza and high self esteem hello hello
me in other people's showers: what the fuck is going on
teawithaview: Have you ever started to check your tumblr in the middle of getting dressed and half an hour later you’re still standing in your underwear with one sock on and also 15 minutes late.
destielarryziam: anus: pizza: dreamsofcrimson: I summon pizza i am here nobody summons me :( go home anus
spadesslick: pimposaur: reasons not to kill yourself chicken tender the billionth number of pi is 9 it’s not gay if it’s on the moon sponges feel cool highdeas.com joe biden the letter Q dirt Some of these are legitimately calming.
thebatteur: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write “super girl” on her arm since i was the only kid who could write so i wrote “shit” on her arm and i hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents and my dad laughed so hard he cried
misha-let-me-touch-your-assbutt: When your teacher is nice but can’t fucking teach When your teacher is mean but teaches really good When you’re teacher is nice and teaches really well, but the class is full of fucking twats When the students are well behaved but the Teacher is still a fucking bitch when your teacher keeps getting replaced because it’s defence against the...
renlybaratheeon: you don’t know true agony unless you’ve gone from watching 5 seasons in 2 days to 1 episode a week
Here are some hybrid animals you probably never... →
beyatterddwalls: stiag1: peartity: aldroids: swaggle: lmotherlyfartry: spagheti: preciousy: Check them out here TOYGER? OMFG LOOK AT THAT FUCKING THING I thought some of these were pure fiction only I didnt know they were real I want that toyger omg its so fucking cute CAMAS come to me bby #2 omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sluttyoliveoil: once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her mom and her mom said “im on my way, the traffic is just slow, im coming” and my friend went “mom i called the house phone”
internetexplorers: internetexplorers: why should i have a reason for everything i do why can’t i just do whatever the fuck i want i don’t owe you any explanations this post is mainly directed at everyone asking me why i have an eggplant as my icon
lesbianathogwarts: asianpredator: domodisciple: asianpredator: itsdeepforhappypeople: strangeharpy: edgebug: sprightlyvigilante: the year is 2066. physical contact has been outlawed. hug dealers tenderly embrace people in the dead of night and shady people hold hands in dark streets i want to read this novel I want to write this novel. I want to edit this novel. Sounds like...
muggleland: the ceo of abercrombie and fitch has a lot of nerve saying that ugly people shouldn’t wear his clothes when he looks like an albino orc from the lord of the rings